Hope

Also, Hope makes them to suffer hunger and thirst in castles, cities and fortresses, when they have been assigned to valiantly guard and defend them as much as they were able, for if there were no hope a knight might not do his office.

Another quote from Ramon Lull, talking about hope. Without hope, what would keep us going from one day to the next?

I've been searching for a new job since sometime in December. Little by little my money was running out, and the job I had couldn't pay well enough for me to survive on -- and eventually couldn't pay at all. It got to the point where I was going to have to pay the rent with a credit card, which is not a road I want to go down. I've already got several thousand dollars on my cards, just to keep me and the cats fed and housed.

And I kept looking for a job. And Hope told me I'd find one, if I just kept looking; Hope kept me at my post. Every Monday I'd go to the USAJOBS site where Tim got his job, and fill out the long, involved applications for anything I thought I could do; every Wednesday I went to the Longmont newspaper's classified section for the employment special. And I sent out applications by mail and email and fax. As things got tighter I drove down Hover where all the strip malls are, and applied at every big-box retail store. And I got interviews, and most of the time I didn't hear anything afterwards, and the few times I did it was 'thank you for applying, we've decided to hire someone else and we wish you the best of luck in your job search'.

I appreciate the wishes of luck, but they weren't going to buy cat food. I could have given up, though the results would have been unpleasant. But Hope told me to keep trying.

And last week (after the second interview for the second job I'd applied to at one place) I finally got the call I'd been waiting for. 'Are you still interested in this job?' Why yes, yes I am!

I started last Wednesday. It's a warehouse job, the pay isn't great, I'm on my feet all day and well, the intellectual stimulation leaves something to be desired. But it's plenty enough to live on with a little bit left over for the credit cards, it'll get me in shape again, and I'm working with fabric. Employee discount starts in two months, and I'm narrowing down what I want to buy. The people are really nice and I'm already making friends I think I'll want to keep once I move on to another job.

Because no, this isn't what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I'm still not sure what I do want to do, but now I have the time to figure that out. I have Hope that I'll find the right thing, in time.